12/5/2024
Noah
Thank gods for the beauty that is HTML templates. I can use them until I make better ones... But Hello. It has been a while since I, or anyone, has updated the website. We mostly forgor about it, but on top of that, Marina and I weren't fronting a whole lot. But sometime last night, I switched in and was thinking about the collective identity page [which is finished now!!!] because there was a part that was driving me crazy. Like I was just laying awake at night, staring at the ceiling. Then, I fell asleep and everything was better... UNTIL TODAY. I fixed it tho! and made the page better.
I'll politely force the system to update their little profiles. I'm being silly, but I am going to make them redo their profiles- Even me! I need to make it more timeless, if that makes sense? Idk... If not timeless, just updated. That's fine. I know Mim needs it's profile mega updated. Like he has a whole chosen name now. Very cool, very cool.
ANYWAYS, I worked on the art section of the website! I used a template until I can make my own from scratch- Which I'll do, but It'll take a loooong time. I also think its fucking fantastic that carrd and ko-fi work in the iframe. That just makes me buzz like a fucking bee bc it means less work for me + it's kind of seemless... So excited to continue on the 'projects' and 'gallery' section, but also hoping that I'll draw more so I can actually post on the art blog.
10/4/2024
Marina
Poor Daimon! It seems like he was having a rough time for a second there :( The good news is!! I helped him figure it out, AND I finished the updated new site for the most part!! Enough to where I can upload it as the main index. And I organized all of the files! It was honestly a ton of fun imo! I also forced [/j] Daimon to sit in front with me while I coded, so he got to see some of how it's done! Hopefully, he'll be able to remember when he's the sole fronter next and wants to do it. Not sur he'll try coding the site as much as post blog enteries.
Speaking of fronters! We've been relatively switchy today. It was mostly just between Daimon [who woke up], Ronnie [who is a faithful co-fronter], and ME!! It's been a long day, if you couldn't tell lol.. NOT IN A BAD WAY! Just a long day where the switching is a bit absurd. Thankfully, all the memories are cohesive so our coconsciousness has at least been good! It's pretty great to not suffer from amnesia as much as we do. There are some things I can't remember, but that's because I'm ANP adjacent [so no trauma memories]. Regardless :) It's been a good, but long day
Which!! I'm proud to announce to the world that we stopped smoking cigarettes! For the 4th time, but this time it's SET IN STONE! We had to have a system talk about it last night because we HAVE been trying to stop, but it turned out that a few of us were not on board- but after a pros and cons list and a good innerworld discussion we were able to quit the next day with not problems :D. Of course, we are wearing a patch, but I, personally, think we could go without it! We've stopped smoking cold turkey before, but we figured because we were smoking 30+ cigarretts a day, the patch would be the best move.
10/3/2024
Daimon
It happens to be my second day out more frequently than usual. It's only been two days but it's so unusual for me to be out for more than an hour or two. I'm not sure I like the 'front time'. It's hard to find things to enjoy, and I do not kno why. I really don't. Then, I try to code for the others, but I ruined tne code. I broke the damn code. And I have no idea how to fix it. Ronnie and Marina have been out sporadically today, but Ronnie wanted to make weirdcore edits, and Marina chose to 'vibe'. I feel very lost and confused with all this time front- and I can tell the family knows I'm out, regardless of name or not. It's really stressful, to be honest.
And, to be very frank, our parents are a bit of an... exhibit. I don't know what to label them but there's just something in the way that they behave that just makes me go 'huh, no wonder I have DID'. It's actually really interesting to see these habits have continued to follow them into adulthood, which is validating in a way. I do, however, wish they understood that our only offline human interaction is with them. I do not have friends, just me. Dude and I tend to stick closer to the system than percieved 'outsiders'. But having friends is hard when you're too embarrassed by a toxic family to let anyone over and cannot drive to see any friends we do have.
Whatever, whatever. That is my second, and hopefully last [at least for a while], yap sesh. If anyone is reading this right now, please take care of yourself.
10/2/2024
Daimon
I seem to have an issue with socializing. I try my hardest to communicate with others, but it quickly becomes draining because I simply can't mask like the others. I am probably, by far, one of our most differentiated alters. The other's say they can feel the muscles in our face change when I front- my voice even drops. It just is too hard to keep up the mask, the collective me if you will. I am a part of them, as much as they are me, but I'm just so different. It feels a little insulting to be reduced to a part and nothing more, but we are a system with functional multiplicity- near functioning lol. So it really doesn't matter the language. I just stand by the firm belief that The Crew subsystem will always be differentiated. It is what makes our system overt- covert in the fact its system related, but overt enough that people can tell when we switch. Everyone I know can pick me out, even if they don't have a name or know we have DID. And thats with me trying to mask. It's draining to not be me. I guess that's why I like tools such as plural kit.
My Yap Session continues- We have gotten into a new hobby of editing weirdcore images. By the time we get to the art section of our site [coding wise], we will have to make a weirdcore gallery. I'm not the best with the editing, but it is fun. I just find it hard to enjoy hobbies for the most part. Im not nearly as creative as the others, and it's kind of saddening to me. Everyone can create art- Dude makes beautiful poetry, Bug and Ronnie are artists- Noah was a coder, but it seems Marina and Ronnie got those aspects. I have not been gifted with any sort of creative bone. I'm good at writing non-fiction posts, but It's still not creative. I don't know. I wish I had the same hobbies as the others.
Yap Sesh concluded. It seems I was quite in my feels. It is what it is.
9/23/2024
Marina
Let's gooo!!! I've been busting my butt working on the new website thing... My files are so grossly screwed up that I'm probably going to download and reupload the site once it's all finished!!! The debugging, my god the debugging... The mouse trail wont work on the testing website and it's been a two day issue. Got it to work everywhere else BUT the one place I needed it to work LOL... I have to add that it's really been a fun project so far!! I'm glad I was able to find my universal font. I use Fredoka for literally everything. Especially userboxes [which I will be updating all of the boxes on the new site- I also plan on making a deco page for all of the stuff I've collcted].
It's been a long time since I've been front, but I've been noticing I'm coming to front more and more, since Noah fused into Ronnie, Bug and I. I know that for a moment, it felt like we had lost a part of ourself, but in the end, it's a sign of healing. Not to mention, after what he went through earlier this year was weighing heavily on him. Those memories carried over to Ronnie, and she is more than capable of handling them... Best person to know them, if anything. She's good at coping with things- At least if you exclude the pot and cigarettes LOL... But yeah! That's all I wanted to say. Take care of yourself, reader!
9/19/2024
Ronnie
Wow, okay. SO. I couldn't do it with the new browser. It sucked so much- broke websites I went to even. It was a total shit show to be honest, but it is what it is.
Literally JUST today I found out about this thing called catbox for hosting files, and that sounded like a fantastic idea until I realizsed I have no idea what I'm doing!! Lol. But I'll work it out. On another note, I've been blocking out all of the pages!! And the new iFrame I plan to make :] I wanted to do it all from scratch, but I've been thinking about keeping this little blog/diary section! It's already laid out and such for us, but I will figure it out!!! I may also archive this version of my site but! I have no idea. I'm not sure what updating the site will look like. I'm going to back up what I have so far, just so that I can restore it if I have to,,, but expect a whole new website soon!
9/18/2024
Ronnie
HELLO! I'm finally updating this site again!! Since our last diary entry, Noah has fused into Me [Ronnie], Bug, and Marina [not listed on our site but will be]. I decided, since I got a lot of the coding info, that I might redo the WHOLE site. I wanted to make it all from scratch, as opposed to the template I currently use. I've started blocking it out on canva, which we have used FOREVER for laying out websites [because this technically isn't our first rodeo]. On top of that, we just switched browsers, which is now a huge learning curve- at least for me.
The fleas are gone as an aside! No more lil jumpers all over us. However, our pets all really suffered from those lil stinkers, but everything is good now [we called the vet for flea meds!!]. I wanted to get it done sooner, but It took a while because of funds.. I also have a job interview today!! Go me!! It's been 2 years since I've worked and FUCK... I missed it so so much. Call me a bootlicker or a part of the rat race, but there is nothing I love more than a punch-in punch-out job. Just mindless, fun routine... maybe that's the tism [joking]. BUT YEA!! A small update so you can know the websites back to being updated!!
8/7/2024
Noah
Heyyyy... so It's been a while since I, or anyone else, has updated the site. Consider it kind of an art block, but for coding. On top of it, I, the main coder, went into dormancy after being retraumatized [well, traumatized but ykno how it is]. I am now back and doing my job, but I'm so much more drained and tired than I used to be. I would say I'm depressed, but I couldn't tell you for sure. All I know is that I'm just... I don't know, not in a good headspace.
A few weeks ago we babysat my cousin's dog, and her dog gave our pets fleas. And they all just hatched. Like a swarm- a plague if you will. Our poor pets are suffering, but we're doing everything we can. We are eventually going to take them to the vet if the flea treatments don't work, but we're praying it does because we don't have the money for a vet visit. When you have no income, you can't save an emergency fund. I'm working on it, but it's hard out here.
5/6/2024
Clyde
So, I'm a new split. As in, like, a real new split. Maybe by a couple days or so. Lovin' it here so far, but I do hold a few reservations about the wya things are run around here.
For starters, the anxiety with talkin' to others... Like I know the body has severe social anxiety, but good god is it real annoying to have this constant overwhelming anxiety with every social interaction. I'm able to tune it out most of tha time, but it's hard to when you have a symptom holder as a host [I am looking at the ENTIRE Bugz Subsystem]. The gatekeepers, 'specially the main one, kinda freak me out. They don't seem like inherently nice folk...
One could consider me an ANP. I'm dissociated from the trauma, especially the incident that split me, but that doesn't mean I don't see our trauma's impacts on the collective- on me, as 'fresh' as I am. I'm not keen on knowin' what we've been thru, but I do wish that things were different. I want to care about someone, dote on them, but how am I supposed to do that when no one gets close to us? Someone else is speakin' here, but no one really takes tha time to get to know us, care about us. I want to get close to someone, maybe more than the others. It's just hard, it's ingrained in our mind, our bones. Even though I forgot, the body didn't
I'm not even sure how to meet folks, and have them engage with us and not just block us when we don't respond. We have one person who is not like that, but I can tell we aren't close to them like we want to be with someone. The internal desire to be vulnerable with someone, but the grippin' fear of being vulnerable. It's all so futile, when faces are always comin' and goin', but I refuse to have it be that way. I want to spite this anxiety that grips my core, but it'll take sum time. not only for me, but the others as well... Drabble over.
4/29/2024
Noah
OH. MY. GOD. I got SO much done today, coding wise. I am literally so proud of myself, I can't rn. I broke my back making the about us section, and all I need to do now is add photos, the data, and all that fun stuff... but holy shit?? most of that was from scratch... I seriously had moments where I was getting angry at the code because I was like ''WHY DONT YOU WORK'', but I got it figured out. Also, I'm so weirded out the fact emojis are such a weird combo of numbers and shit. Fucking crazy.
Other than coding, I played stardew myself!! I guess today I just felt really motivated or maybe it's because Im actually front today lol. Either way I'm really proud of my progress so far!! I'm getting everyone on board, and I see even Dude posted!! GO DUDE!! He and I need to do a talent swap /j/. I wish I could do poetry like he could.. But that's it for now! Maybe I'll post another update today! who knows!
4/28/2024
Dude
TWS: Weed abuse
Man, I had to push myself to do this shit. I don't have nearly half of the coding skills as Noah does, which means it looks like fucking jibberish to me. Like what the fuck is target blank and what does it do??? It's so weird.
Today has been boring. More Stardew Valley, more sitting and rotting. It's the same existence as always. We've been wanting to quit smoking weed lately. Like all together, and not just to being a 'normal' smoker. We're just tired of being controlled by a substance. Like it's different when it's caffiene or energy drinks because thats like a self medicated ADHD med, but the pot drains us, makes our head fuzzy. For a long time we weren't sure if we had DID or if it was just the weed dissociation. Which, Weed just makes our switches more 'painless'. Meaning that it is less blackout amnesia, and a smoother transition. If you don't get it, Im sorry. Im not the one to explain this shit to you... Anyways we wanted to quit weed bc it dictates our life right now, and it's starting to piss us of-- Piss me off.
Whatever, I'm done for now. I have to try and see if I can do the 30 days of DID thing... its a lot of fucking work for me right now.
Wow! Lookie Here
4/26/2024
This is the first actual 'post' on this blog, and it's mostly to give updates on it!! So far this blog is probably 30% finished, and I intend to have other, seperate neocities for things such as my fantasy project, or our collective horror projects. It's,,, going to be a lot LOL, but I think it'll be worth it in the end. If that makes sense. I've been coding for more than a few years now, and it's starting to come easier, but Im still stuck on templates, which is why the about us and links is taking so damn long!!
I intended on doing this little challenge called the 30 days of DID, but I've decided to move that specifically to my tumblr because,,, it'll make rereading them more easy as I try to figure out how to link back to specific diary entries... ANYWAYS,,, Yeah. First blog post!!! Lets gooo!!!